So I haven't updated in a pretty long time. The winter has come and gone. Much has changed.

I decided I won't be buying that horse. Too much is up in the air for me to take on that large of a responsibility at the present time. I could afford it NOW, but who knows where I will be in a year...?

My mom is convinced that my brother will be out on parole by August. That messes up my plans. I was hoping to live with her for a year or so and save up some serious $$. If she is right, I could live with her for a whopping 3 months at best.

The townhouse is... eh. I'm pretty ready for the lease to be up. Well, I was until I heard about my brother. I'm so ready to not have roommates anymore. Pat and I aren't really sure where we stand... we're getting along fine for the most part, but we've become distanced. He's changed, and I guess I have too. Not sure what's going to happen after the lease, but we won't be living together. I know I need some time to myself... I feel like I have lost a part of myself over the last 3 years, and I need to find it. I never have any idea what to do with myself when I am bored and alone.. I've lost the ability to entertain myself. So... I guess I need to work on that. And rebuilding relationships with friends, though it's hard cause there aren't a whole lot of people left in my area.

And then there's work... I really don't want to do the grant another year, but I have to make that decision now since it's time to apply for it. And I really just don't know what to do. Grad school is pretty much out of the question next fall, since application deadlines are like... next week. Finding another job sounds good, but what if I say I'll leave in Oct and then can't find one? Particularly if Steve moves back and I am paying rent somewhere by myself...

So yeah. That's pretty much where I'm at right now.

SO.... buying a horse? Maybe? I know. I shouldn't. But I SOOO want to.

My trainer (one of them) mentioned that she knows a nice horse for sale for $2000 because she's small. At age 2, her owner was asking $9500 because of her conformation and breeding. But then she kind of stopped growing and apparently isn't worth as much now (she is almost 4). She's 15hh, which is pretty small. Only 2 inches from being a pony. My trainer thinks she would be a good project and turnaround horse for me because I would be too big to show her. I don't know about that, I don't feel too big on the 14hh Haflinger I ride, but he is also a TANK.

Anyway-- I said I will think about it over the winter- take a look at my expenses, see if I can afford it and if it's something I can feasibly do. My friends offered me board at their place for dirt cheap- like less than it costs to actually feed and bed a horse-- but their place is maybe a little rougher than I'm comfortable keeping a horse. I love them, and their horses seem OK-- but there are just some things that I don't know if I can let slide. Bordering on dangerous. And yet I know they'd try hard to accommodate me. I dunno. Something I must consider.

Another thing to consider is that I will need to give up some of my lessons. I am in a very learning-intensive stage right now where I'm basically re-learning all of my basics, and actually developing a sense of FEEL rather than the "pull-and-kick" style of riding I was always taught. It has made a huge difference in my riding and I want to pursue it as long as I can. Right now I take 2 lessons a week- one jumping lesson every weekend which is challenging but not in that "connect with your horse" kind of way, and then I alternate every Tuesday between my two other trainers. The dressage is extremely expensive but useful, and the other lessons are more general- they will be jumping lessons eventually but right now we are working on my feel and connection, which I consider very important. This trainer basically pulls your position apart and makes each part of it more effective. Very cool. I have been only taking half hour lessons since I have no one else to lesson with and I can't afford a full hour WITH the dressage lessons too. Regardless- I was thinking I would just cut everything in half- only 2 weekend lessons and only 2 Tuesday lessons each month (one with each trainer). I would save more than $150/mo doing that.

That brings up another point- I would want to take lessons on my horse. But I have no trailer/truck. Depending on where I board, I would have to either pay instructors to come to me, or pay someone to transport us to the trainers. If I go with my friends, I would want to be trailered since their riding ring is tiny and I don't know how much I could get out of a lesson in those conditions. I think they would trailer for me, though, if they aren't busy.

And then there's the matter of time- especially in the winter when it gets darker sooner, will I have time to go out and ride enough to not only keep the horse fit, but also teach it something? I would essentially be giving up all my daylight hours after work and at least one day/weekend. That's a huge commitment for me right now. Pat seems OK with it, but still... What if I get a job in New Brunswick? What if I want to go to grad school while working? I would have to wait until I sell the horse, because it would definitely decrease in value if I ignore it for a few years to study. And the point (at least with this particular horse, if I go with her) would be to turn her around and sell her since she wouldn't be suitable for me to show (or so my trainer thinks). Who knows what would really happen. Some horses I get really attached to, some I don't. It's hard to know what the case will be.

Sigh... I'm going to see her next week, and ride her in a lesson when my trainer gets back in a few weeks. I'm very glad that I decided to take a while to think about it instead of acting instinctively, because these are some big decisions! To top it all off, I went to a class at Rutgers last week about personal finances, and basically the big message of the night was to SAVE SAVE SAVE all your life- live below your means now so that you can be comfortable later. Sigh.

So... if you have cats, don't ever use Sergeant's Gold Spot-On flea remedy. Or anything other than Frontline, for that matter.

So my mom's cats have fleas. She has been trying to treat them with limited results. She tried the spot-on stuff, and it did nothing. She used it on Monday, and by Saturday morning decided to put the flea collars back on since the cats were still crawling with fleas.

I braided early Saturday morning, and got back around 8:30 or so. I noticed Thea hanging out near the front door. Throughout the morning, he stayed in that same spot- different positions, but not going anywhere. He's old, and hasn't been looking that great lately, so I didn't think anything of it. A few hours later, I went left for homecoming.

I got a call from my mom a few hours later that Thea was having seizures again (he is diabetic) and he might not still be with us when I get back. I was sad, but sort of expected it.

We get home that night and Thea is still with us, but looking pretty catatonic. My mom didn't think he'd make it through the night.

Unfortunately, he did, and he was seizing and twitching more violently in the morning. My mom decided that was it and found an emergency vet to go and have him euthanized. I had to go braid again, but she later called to tell me how it went...

The vet noticed the oily spot on his neck and asked what flea treatment my mom had used. It turns out that pretty much any of those spot-on treatments is basically pesticides- the same stuff they spray on fields. Healthy cats can usually handle it, but it will send old or immuno-suppressed cats into... you got it, seizures. That plus the extra chemicals from the flea collar sent him over the edge. He could have been treated, but it would have been around a $2000 bill, and he has been declining with his old age and diabetes anyway.

So RIP Thea. And BE CAREFUL with flea treatments!

Sooo, haven't posted in a reeeeally long time... um... yeah. While I waste my time at work doing many other stupid things online, I have not yet been able to justify posting on LJ. (hours on facebook is fine though... they really need to block that site.)

So what have I been up to? Working, mostly. I recently passed my one-year anniversary at my job at the Extension office, and I kind of hate it. It wa OK at first, but I am sick of crop insurance and my coworkers ignoring me and having nothing to do most of the time. I mean, there is stuff to do, but a lot of it requires the input of others, who are either not around, ignoring me, or busy with other people. My boss just left for a week vacation without checking in to see if I was OK for the week. Note: I popped my head into his office like 6 times to ask him about stuff, but he was always busy with something else. He knew I needed something. Ugh!

So I have been daydreaming about what's next. Pat has to graduate. We were concerned about that for financial reasons, but it looks like everything has been approved and is a go. He is interested in military. At first I was very much against it, but he mentioned several things: 1) he would automatically be an officer, 2) he wants to do intelligence, 3) that may involve him not getting shipped overseas, and 4) he could make a shitload of money afterward with the skills he acquires. Now, I am the first to admit I know nothing about the military, so I don't know how much of this is crap. But when I considered it, I realized how much I want to see different parts of the country (on a temporary basis). I don't know how feasible it would be, but I would love to travel around with him and see the country. As long as it's not overseas.

Another option: Pat finds a job after graduating. That would be nice. Begin daydream: I would quit my job and take a course in equine sports massage therapy, and gradually build a client base until it can be a full-time job. Problem: how do I pay the rent until then? Hmmm. But it really is what i want to do, at least for a little while. I hate working for other people, and I hate being in an office every day. I want to work with horses and be my own boss. I know I don't have what it takes to be a trainer or an instructor. But if I didn't have a 9 to 5 holding me back, I could get in so much riding and really get somewhere- until maybe those things become possible.

I guess the best solution would be to get started while I still have a job and am still making good money, but man... I have no free time as it is. I ride 4 different horses when I can, I take as many lessons as I can to get myself as far along as I can. I rarely go straight home after work, it is always either to some meeting for work, or to a barn to ride. I don't want to give up the riding! I guess I should consider it a long-term thing-- if I spend the time finding clients now, then the faster I would be able to support myself with the massage and consequently have more time to ride. Sigh. It's a big choice, but at least I have a somewhat definitive end date for my current job. And I have learned that I really need a job in the horse industry to be happy. I find it hard to care about anything else.

What else, what else...

The townhouse is great. The kitties are great! We just made a facebook for Zippers, cause he's a crazy little kitty. And everybody loves him. The school year started up again, so everyone is living together now. There are 4 of us in there. It's not too bad-- except one of them cooks a lot and leaves disgusting messes on the counter and stove... it's like he thinks that as long as the dishes are taken care of, the kitchen is clean. Not that he takes care of his dishes either. Ugh. I knew I got along with guys better than girls, but I failed to take into account the cleanliness factor difference. I try to make sure I set a good example by cleaning all my mess up after I cook, but I don't think it's even noticed. Plus half the time, Pat says he'll do the cleaning since I cooked, and then waits until 2 days later to do it. There goes my example. Anyway, now I'm just bitching. It's a very nice place and I'm glad we have it, and I'm glad that the cost is defrayed so much from everyone living there. Even though our landlord admitted to us that if he knew there would be 4 of us living there, he would have made rent $2000 a month instead of $1350. WTF? It's a 3-bedroom townhouse in a college town! What did you expect??

We're trying to think of a way to turn Zippers into a money-maker. That sounds weird. We want to make a blog/webcomic/something that people will actually like, and make a tiny bit of $$ through adsense to help defray rent. That cat will earn his keep! Hence the creation of his facebook-- it's a start. I can't write for crap, but I can draw, so as long as one of the guys can write, we might have a chance! They're all really funny guys, so I don't see why they couldn't.

Right now I am stranded at my mom's house. My car was in the shop, so Pat drove me home to pick it up in his car. Problem is, I put my key in his car's ignition (we both have a set for that car), so he has my entire keychain, townhouse keys included. Generally not a big deal, but I am sad and lonely because my mom is at a riding lesson tonight. =( I could have gone and ridden too, but I think it would be a waste of my money. I take better lessons now, why pay for a glorified pony ride? Anyway, no roomies will be home until 9 or so, so I'll probably just stay here tonight. Le sigh. I have a horror book to read, though I probably shouldn't read here it all alone. =(

OH YEAH that reminds me I need to go to Borders and get my copy of Dan Brown's new book for 40% off! Crap, I think that ended today. 8:20... I don't think so. =\

OK, off to read! Yay for not sleeping!

So, life has been incredibly busy lately, but not really all that exciting. Work every day is getting old (yeah yeah). I just feel like I have nothing to do. I know I should be self-driven and make my own projects, but... yeah. I'm just getting tired of the lack of communication and structure there.

Doing as much riding as I can... Skye found a new home, so his owners offered me another horse to ride. This one is another TB who can be a little special and apparently doesn't really like jumping. Oh well, as long as she has a canter, it's an improvement.

The other horse I was riding found a home too, but his owner also offered another horse for me to ride. This guy is a giant Belgian warmblood... I swear his head is as big as a steer's... but he is such a sweet little puppy dog. It's like riding a teddy bear! So I still have horses to ride.

Things with Pat are going better than they were. That makes me happy. I dunno what happened, things just got stale for a while there. I was stressed about moving in, work, he was stressed about school-- I think I summed it up pretty well when I stated, "I'm just all business right now!" But we're back to enjoying each other's company and I'm actually waiting up for him to come home tonight! Oh my!

Yesterday when I was riding my mom's horse, another lady started riding in the ring with me. We started talking and she told me that she is looking for a marketing person for her company. This company happens to be Charles Owen (expensive riding helmets) and she is manager for the US or something like that. This person would basically just go to horse shows all day. I was like... uhh... want??? One catch, though- person must relocate to Georgia. Not sure why. Charles Owen is based in the UK. I told her I'd help by sending the job description out to the AZ alumni list, but man, I want it for myself! I emailed her today, and if she replies I'll mention that if she hasn't found anyone by May (when Pat graduates), I'd be interested. ;) That might be enough time to convince Pat to move to Georgia with me, right? (Note: he REALLY does not want to. I think he hates the south.) I dunno. With his degree, he could get a job anywhere. I... I just want to find a job that I don't hate. I don't have a ton of marketing experience, but I took a class in it and had an internship in it (sort of), (and a degree in ponies!!) so I might actually be qualified for this thing. Ack!! Why must life mock me so???

So that's my big excitement right now. Oh, and I thought I was going to drown if I walked out to my car after work today. It was pouring. Then on the way home I was afraid my car would get washed away! Scary.

Haven't posted in forever. I'm living in Glassboro now, that's going OK. Trying to get 3 guys to learn to clean up their living habits a bit. I'm much more anal about being clean and neat now that I'm not living in my mom's house anymore. Weird how that works.

Things with Pat are mostly good, a bit on-again, off-again. The stress of living together, plus our own daily and long-term stresses are getting to us. I feel like I'm living day to day, and not really enjoying it. For the first time in my life, I feel like I don't have a plan in place, something to look forward to, and it makes me feel all anxious. Don't like it.

The kitties are good- Zippers still likes to wake us at obscene hours of the morning. And I think they both like to eat my plants. But Persia greets me at the door every time I come home and demands to be picked up and loved on... then she follows me around all night wanting more love... so that is always wonderful to have a happy little kitty who loves you. =)

Riding 2 different horses now, and taking lessons with 3 different instructors. I like it, even though sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled 3 different ways. I know the point is to incorporate what all of them tell me to a be well-rounded rider, but it can be tough. Oh well, I know I'm improving from it, even though there are some days when all I want is just to go home and relax. I think I have gone directly to the townhouse from work a total of 2 or 3 times since I moved in here. I'm ALWAYS doing something, and it starts to wear at you after a while. I just want some time to relax! Riding is relaxing, but not in the same way. I think if I wasn't in a relationship, I would be happy to spend all night at the barn talking to people and hanging out with horses, but I always feel like I'm in a rush to get back so I can spend time with Pat before bed. Then I don't enjoy either as much.

Anyway. Brief update. I am tired and should go to bed. So much more to write about, so little time.

This is my mom's new horse: Two to Tango! 11 y/o Thoroughbred, raced.










He's a cutie. Not the most personable horse I've ever met, but perhaps he just needs some more time to warm up. He's been at Woodedge a little over a month now, I think.

I've ridden him a couple times and he definitely knows his stuff. He seems taken aback by the jumps at Woodedge, but Mom said that the jumps at his old barn were mostly boxes and solid stuff, while we jump a lot of pole jumps. Cavaletti were new and scary... we found that odd. Also, must never have been ridden outside under lights at night before... that was JUST TERRIFYING. He started out pretty rough about jumping in our night lessons... like, decides 5 strides out that he is NOT jumping that thing and puts on the brakes. Nothing you can do to make him go! We got him over everything eventually, and now he's getting better. Last lesson I rode him, we had NO refusals! Yay!

I also tried a bit of dressage with him... he sort of knows what to do, but I don't know that he was taught correctly. Granted, I'm no expert, but eventually I got him to lower his neck and flex at the poll. He knew how to flex at the poll-- a little wiggle of the rein and inside leg and his head shoots down-- but wasn't using his neck and back correctly. So I rode him on Thursday night and we just worked on basic dressage... bending, flexing, and stretching. He was really starting to get it at the trot, but canter was a bit of a mess. He was getting tired anyway, and he probably wasn't used to using his back muscles like that, but he would 4-beat every time I asked him to collect. Annoying! I will just keep working at the trot and maybe get some extra help if his canter doesn't improve. But for when Mom rides him, he's just fine. Flat out he's OK, just gets confused when you ask him to round himself. Mom doesn't ask him for that, so there's no problem there!

OK. Really need to start my day.

8:12am. I have already been up for 3.5 hours. Woo.

I drove up to Chesterfield to braid Sarge for Tory. She is taking him to his American Warmblood Society (?) inspections today, in Flemington. I was so excited for her cause I learned all about presenting horses for inspection at Virginia Tech, so on Monday I showed her the basics and (hopefully) how it will go. At the last minute last night her braider canceled, so I drove up and did a pretty running braid (his mane is sooper long). I wanted to stay and help at the show, but Pat and I have been planning on cleaning his place up on Saturday since.. well, since last weekend. So I just braided at her farm before they left... it was about an hour closer, I think. I could be wrong.

Anyway, it reminded me of a story that I don't think I posted on LJ. One of my brighter moments at the VT internship. We had been preparing some yearlings for a big show in Lexington (VA), so we learned all about handling horses for show. Cool. My filly won her class, then moved up the ranks (they have Filly Yearling, then 2-year-old, then Mature Horse, then the final Championship round where they combine the winners from the filly classes with the colt classes). I think I did 3 classes with her, meaning we got either first or second in at least 2 classes. It was pretty sweet. And the foal we brought made it into the Grand Championship round. Didn't win, but it was cool.

Anyway, that wasn't the story. After that, we started working with some more yearlings in preparation for a much smaller show, held at the university. I got along really well with one of them, so we decided I'd show him and the filly I showed at Lexington. I got to know him pretty well and we worked well together. So on the day of the show... he was a nutcase. Bundle of nerves. He wasn't particularly brave to begin with, so this just blew his lid. The first class I showed him in was yearling colts. In any class, here is how it works: You walk in, stand up your horse for the judge, then walk a small triangle, with the judge at the apex. When you get back to where you started, you trot a larger triangle, then halt and stand up again. Well, this colt was freaking terrified and would not stand still. There was a crowd, people were moving and making noise, and that was just so scary. When we moved off into a trot, he just took off and I had to let go... we were afraid he was going to jump out of the ring. We eventually caught him and finished the class (the judge was understanding). I don't remember how we placed. It was not well.

Then, at the end of the day there was an Amateur Handler class, where the handler's skills are judged, not the horse's conformation and movement. I learned from the first class and took the colt into the warm-up ring (right next to the competition area) like 20 minutes early. We just walked and walked and walked and walked and trotted and walked and walked until he relaxed. (The point of this is to have your horse relaxed and stretching their neck, so you shouldn't steer or slow down by pulling on their face... it ruins their topline.) So we finally went back in and he was scared but MUCH more relaxed. He stood mostly still... walked nicely... trotted fabulously... and stood again. The judge was very impressed and placed me first in the class. She commented that my attention was 100% on that horse... evaluating his attitude and movements and immediately responding to them, yet not interfering with him and being totally invisible to the judge. It's so easy to go in there with a quiet horse and just drag them around their triangles without even paying attention to them. So I was freaking ecstatic, particularly because the other interns (against whom I was competing) had prior experience showing horses in hand, and mostly because my boss thought I was a waste of life. So nyeah.

Another quick story that popped into my head as I was driving home this morning...

I went to Jersey Fresh (3-day-event at the Horse Park of NJ) last weekend as a volunteer. I was assigned to be a crossing guard- making sure spectators did not try to walk across the course at the wrong time (i.e. when a horse is on course and galloping at them). Well, I got put in this secluded spot where there were almost no spectators all day. It sucked. I just sat there by myself and read my book most of the day. (Also, it was in the 80's. Suck.)

I wore my cowboy hat, because I knew it would be sunny and it would shade my face and neck. However, my cowboy hat is a little big on me, so everytime I looked up I had to tilt it back a bit off my forehead. I looked up every time a rider went past. There was one rider who noticed, grinned, and touched her helmet at me. You know, like a man would tip his hat at someone. It was so funny. All the time I was adjusting my cowboy hat and everyone who saw me thought I was tipping it at them. It made me happy. Also, I was the only one at that entire event who was wearing a cowboy hat. Yikes.

And that's all I got for now. I will post some pictures of Tango (mom's new horse) in a bit!

Hello, all. I haven't updated this thing in an eternity. I have been very busy.

Work is OK. It goes. Busy sometimes, not others. Now I am being bad and writing on work time, but for some reason I just had to.

We are slowly but surely moving into the townhouse in Glassboro. It will be me, Pat, Pat's brother Brian, and Brian's roommate Chris. It should be pretty good once we get all our kinks worked out. I know I may be an idiot for living with 3 guys, but oh well. At least Pat and I get our own bathroom, so I KNOW that will be clean. Today we're getting cable and internet hooked up... moving around furniture, cleaning a bit...

(Back story: we rented the townhouse fully furnished from an older guy who has a shorehouse. It was easier for him to leave his furniture than to rent storage space. Unfortunately, he left a lot more than just his furniture... ugly art, heinous decor, and personal effects in all manner of places. It's like someone told him to make it *look* like he moved out. Or asking an 8-year-old to clean his room: shove everything under the bed. So we got permission to throw out most of the crap we don't want. That doesn't cover the hideous furniture in our bedroom, but what can you do...)

Anyway, that's going well. We are getting a kitten to keep Persia company, at some point. It has been a huge hassle to get this kitten. First I picked one up from a dairy farm. It had FIV and had to be put down. No more barn kittens. Tried a rescue group, well they want to talk to the landlord (he, um, only wants us to have one cat. Not that he'll ever come check on us, and Persia will become depressed if she no longer has any kitty company.) So that won't work. Now we are going to try a different rescue group or shelter or whatever and just tell them it's living at my mom's house. Honestly... where do you draw the line between trying to find a good home for unwanted kittens, and being exclusive? A kitten that I adopt will have excellent care and even if the landlord found out, I'm sure it could live with my mom for the rest of the year.

I have been riding a lot. My mom bought a horse (finally!). His original name was Take the Bait, barn name Baity (ew), so we renamed him Two to Tango (Tango). He's an 11-year-old TB. Very quiet and well-behaved. I will post pictures soon.

Since she bought the horse, her teaching credits will go towards her board, so I will be paying for any lessons I take. Thus, no more Bob lessons. I'm down to 1 Kerry lesson on Sundays and 1 dressage lesson every other Tuesday. Lucky for me, I found someone who wants help conditioning one of his horses, so I have a new project horse. His name is Skye, he's a TB... had been out of work for a while, so it was an interesting start. He's starting to remember what to do now, though, so it's getting better.

The best part is that his owner wants him to do some shows, so he will pay for all Skye's show fees, AND pay me to braid his other horses. He wants to sell Skye eventually, so he will split the profit with me when that happens. I don't expect it to be much, but it's still a very nice deal for me. So I go out and ride him pretty much whenever the weather is nice on their farm. It's not a show facility by any means, but it is functional. They have a few jumps and I can do what I need to do. We've had one dressage show so far (funny, huh?) and although we didn't do very well, we still got a 3rd in our class. Too funny. Looking forward to trying another one now that we're a little more in sync with one another. And of course getting him ready for some HUNTER shows, yay!

OK, have some definite work to do now. Joy.

Oh, in case I didn't tell any of you:

I'm moving to Glassboro next week! Yay!